Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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