I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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