I just made out with a guy for $7.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
