yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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