I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
