well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
