you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
