Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
