We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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