I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
