Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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