yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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