After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
