in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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