so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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