She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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