I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
