bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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