I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
