I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
