if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
