I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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