I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
