I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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