You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
