There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
