My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
