She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
