Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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