So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
