i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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