i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
