I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
