There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
