Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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