Plan B is the new Plan A
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
