Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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