i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Life is so much better after having sex.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
