Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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