every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
