the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
