How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
