dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i love accidental penises.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
