I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
