This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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