Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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