I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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