She said her name was "party"
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
