Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
