So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
