i just google imaged poop.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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