it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
