i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
