Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
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the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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