i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
