My friends, they love my intelligence
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
