Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
