when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Randomize
