you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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