If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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