i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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