I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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