How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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