honey bunches of taint.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
