Soap is not a condiment
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
