I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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