I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
