Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
