she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
