I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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