the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
