i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
