At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
