You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
