Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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