I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he thought i was a dude.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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