Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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