Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
